The Final Installment: An Associate's Guide to Bra & Panty Land

So you've just been hired to work at a Victoria's Secret near you, and the excitement is building. What will it be like helping women clothe their unmentionables? How will you cope with the thrill of being around that much underwear eight hours a day? What adventures will each new shift hold?

We understand your excitement, we really do. And so to prepare you for your lucrative (?) career as a Victoria's Secret sales associate, we've put together a short list of top tips. As you head through the pearly doors for your first day on the job, keep this guide in mind to ensure you maximize success and minimize the number of times you want to violently maim someone you work with.

1. We know you spent lots of time on that resume, but no one bothered to read it. Don't be surprised when information your supervisors should know about you from reading your resume is complete news to them. Even your direct supervisor, who actually used your resume in her decision making during the hiring process, and subsequently hired you, will likely know nothing to very, very little about you. This allows you to feel doubly pathetic for having a master's degree and working at Victoria's Secret when you have to announce to your boss in front of other employees that you have said master's degree and, well, they all know where you work.

2. We may be in a recession, but much like JELL-O there is always room for another employee!
Times are tough, y'all. And as a result of those tough times, we may need to cut back on your hours. We know we promised you a set number when you were hired, but we're actually just going to slice that in half. We've got our fingers crossed for your rent check. Oh, and would you mind handing out 35 job applications every day to people coming in off the street, and please let them know that we are definitely HIRING!


3. All Victoria's Secret associates must be more excited about bras and panties than basically anything else on God's green earth.
We know it seems a little strange to be so excited by under garments. But you know how dogs get really excited by things like, say, running in the yard or eating their own poop? It's because their brains are the size of walnuts. God love 'em, but they're simple. So they are excited by simple things. We're not suggesting that you are simple, but most people who work here tend to be. Please see item 4 for further clarification on this.

4. It would be great if you could just take your IQ down a few clicks before you come in to work in the morning.
Not only do we find that it is easier to be excited about a piece of fabric that goes over your piche if you ain't got too much going on upstairs, we also find it makes associates easier to train. Again, sort of like puppies. 'Cept some of you aren't as cute.

5. You know that person who sees you without a big, idiotic grin on your face and insists on calling out to you in a stupid, high-pitched, sing-song voice, "Smile!"? You know that person? Every one you work with IS THAT PERSON.
This doesn't really need clarification, right? Just brace yourself.



With that, The Panty Land Diaries come to an end. Of course, stay tuned for more tales from the city. Today I found out they don't eat biscuits here. Excuse me? That's a blog in and of itself.

cheers,
e. cawein