the dating game, minus chuck woolery

Things you should know about my date last night with Bachelor Number One (Numero Uno?) from Adventures in Speed Dating:

1. I had mushroom ravioli and a glass of pinot grigio. That's important, right? Or maybe I've just been hanging out with too many Jewish women, whose first question about any life event will inevitably be related to what type of food was consumed, and how much of it. Nonetheless, it was scrumptious.

2. After dinner, we walked to a nearby bar that had a rooftop terrace, sat outside and enjoyed the unseasonably warm night. We were seated next to three extremely drunk guys, one of whom raised his hand to me for a high five as soon as we sat down. Not one to turn down a good high five, I reciprocated. Then when he went for a second one a few minutes later, I told him that was his cut-off on the high fives. But the high-fives were the least of my worries, as he then proceeded to sit down next to me and ask me a series of vastly inappropriate and mildly embarrassing questions (like, "Who's this guy? Is this your boyfriend?"), which were followed by two instances of inappropriate touching. One of the incidents involved him caressing my back, me turning to face him and asking if he had a problem, and him looking off into the distance innocently like he was five and had just gotten caught with his thumb in the peanut butter. He might as well have been whistling and twiddling his thumbs.

3. While I didn't have any of my signature Out of Body Experiences during the course of the evening, thank Allah, the list of things I said or did that would probably land me on VH1's Tough Love is extensive, and includes, but is by no means limited to, talking at length about past relationships and describing in detail the way I behave when intoxicated, and even differentiating what kinds of behavior are caused by what types of alcohol.

4. Of all the myriad topics of discussion we touched on during our vast five minutes together at the speed dating event, you'll be shocked and appalled to learn that the exchange that stood out most in his mind was, drum roll please: my delightful stories of high school nerdery with my Model United Nations team. Christ. On. A. Bike.

5. Most importantly, I looked fabulous (hello), the food was great, the drinks were potent and the company was excellent. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night, indeed.


Stay tuned for more reports from the field.

cheers,
elizabeth