the next contestants on "date a crazy southern lady"

The results are in. And guys, I have to tell you. They're a little embarrassing. Of the five guys whose names I wrote down, only two returned my affections. And let's all put on our surprised faces for this demographic breakdown of the respondents: three white men vote "Nay" on dating me, while two non-white men vote "Yay."

I might be surprised, were this new information. Your Raj's, your Sandeep's, Jamaal's, Julio's and Abdullah's -- they love me. I am not entirely convinced that the four white guys I have been in relationships with up to this point are not the only white men in existence who would date me. I'm not trying to Sally Lo Self-Esteem you, I'm just being real. When I get "Ay mami'd" on the streets of Jersey City, it is not by an average-looking white boy trying to impress me with his foreign language skills.

The unfortunate thing is that, at this stage in the game, I pretty much know my type: geeky white guy. But here's the thing. The two guys who matched me are both attractive, intelligent guys -- one, of course, was Alejandro, and the other was the internal medicine doctor who works with old people -- and I would love nothing more than to let them buy me dinner, take me dancing and tell me I'm pretty. I didn't really go into this thing imagining I'd meet my future husband, so the hardcore diss I received from those three guys isn't really any skin off my nose. Besides, I like to imagine that there were a handful of other men who were heartbroken not to see my name in their inbox this evening.

So here we are: Alejandro (who, by the by, enlightened me on the meaning of the lyrics of Santana's "Oye Como Va," which you will be intrigued to learn has something to do with Carlos enjoying the taste of a mullatto girl) and Dr. Handsome. I wish now that I hadn't ever named Alejandro, so I could give him a fun nickname, too. Can we pretend I didn't? You'll have to help me come up with a name for him.

And while you're commenting, help me out with this little connundrum -- where do I go from here? I have e-mail addresses and phone numbers for both guys, but I wonder if I should make the first move, or wait for them. Clearly we both said that we were interested in each other, so it doesn't feel like the ball is technically more in one person's court than the other; I guess that's why I just reverted to my Southern roots and decided the boy should make the first move. Let me know what you think.

And finally, I must share this one last gem of Adventures in Speed Dating that I neglected to tell you about in the post-game show. During a conversation with one of several of my ESL dates last night, I was asked about my accent. This led to a conversation about ways in which I am southern, and I said something about southern women being different, that we have a very commanding presence. Mr. ESL wanted me to expound on this, and this, ladies and gentlemen, is (I swear to Christ) what came out of my mouth next: "You know that saying, 'If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'? That's kind of it."


cheers,
elizabeth