pick one

There is no question that people in New York tend to be short tempered. But I don't think it's a case of happenstance. I think living in New York makes you this way. And if you were already a little short-tempered, like someone who writes a little blog and shall go unnamed, and you choose to move to New York? You're a CNN ticker headline on employees going postal just WAITING TO HAPPEN.

This city gives me a lot of frustrations. I could list them all for you here, alphabetized, itemized, categorized, whatever the hell other kind of -ized you can think of. But recent contemplation on these matters has led me to realize that almost every frustration I encounter in Manhattan on a daily basis can be summed up by one simple piece of advice to my fellow New Yorkers.

Pick one.

Allow me to elaborate with some examples. This first paragraph is a fairly exact quotation of my inner monologue a few evenings ago when I was heading down the stairs at Penn Station to catch the 1 train.

I'm sorry sir, did you want to text message someone or did you want to walk down the stairs into the subway station? Because the thing is, YOU CANNOT DO BOTH. And I'm not saying you shouldn't. I mean, you shouldn't. But you sir? You literally cannot do both. You are proving this incapacity to multitask right now, in front of my very eyes, on the steps in front of me, while also making me want to bludgeon you with my four-dollar Duane Reade umbrella. You can text. Or you can walk down the stairs. PICK ONE.

Pick one really covers so many indiscretions committed against me and all of humanity every day in this city. Did you want to walk arm-in-arm with four of your best friends down the street, or did you want to walk down a busy street in New York? Again, I'd love for you to do either of those things. But you cannot do both. PICK ONE. Consult your map or stand in the middle of the sidewalk? Get your bearings or walk out into a moving crowd of people? Drive a cab or talk on your Bluetooth? Pick one. PICK ONE PICK ONE PICK ONE.

I feel like this is a fairly simple request. In fact, I feel so passionately about it that sometimes I find myself angrily muttering "Pick one" as I walk down the street, though I'm sure the words themselves, without the explanation, don't resonate as much with the idiots who are causing my frustration. Not as much as just smacking them upside the head would probably resonate. But that might also get me incarcerated.

Please keep me out of jail, New York and just effing PICK ONE already. Please.

cheers,
elizabeth