a message from my bum

I saw a woman at the gym today with black sweatpants on that said "CHAMPAGNE" across the butt. Now without delving too deeply into my feelings on ass billboards, if you're going to advertise something across your cheeks shouldn't it at least have something to do with you? An adjective, like "Bossy" or "Sexy" or some word that (you believe) describes you?

I mean, I may not be fully up-to-date on the rules of rear-end sky writing. I really might not. It may be totally kosher to write whatever the eff you want back there. But "champagne?" Really? What does that have to do with anything? Not only does it have nothing to do with you, it's not even a name brand. It's just a generic thing. You might as well just write "Beer" or "Cookies" or "Store Brand TP." If it said "Christal" on your ass, though I'd probably judge you even more, I'd at least think you were making some sort of personal statement. You like to drink $3,000 champagne and then buy sweatpants to let the world know. I get it.

But champagne? I'm just not sure.

Unless, of course -- yeah. It's probably her first name. My bad, y'all.


cheers,
elizabeth