Last week I stumbled upon two tickets to a benefit dinner, and I found myself with about 72 hours to locate a date.
The series of events that happened next brought me to the conclusion that I very well may not know a single, solitary functional male over the age of 25 who's unattached and knows how to act right.
It was a distressing realization that led me to take my mother to the dinner instead of a man (which I feel like is totally acceptable and totally different because Kanye took his mom to the GRAMMYs, so there) and then later led me to tweet about the situation. Naturally, it got me into a little trouble.
So if you're one of the three guys I know who fits those parameters, I sincerely apologize. But honestly. Even counting you, dear sirs, the statistics are pretty god damn dismal.
And while now I feel the urge to go into the "why me, I'm just a simple preppy white girl who loves hip hop and basketball and yoga and beer and robert plant and songs about chunky booties" speech and the subsequent "what about any of that is a man repellent" follow-up rant, it's really not even about that. I mean, I guess at some point in the far, far away future it could be about that, because statistically you're probably a lot more likely to date and marry some dude in your circle of friends, but right now? Right now it's just about how it'd be really amazing if I knew someone witty and charming and good with people who knew how to put on a suit and act right at a dinner and wouldn't get sauced and say something embarrassing. Because Allah knows, I have that shit COVERED.
Also, I bet where you find one sensible, eligible, over-25 male, you might find more. That's an unproven hypothesis, of course. I pledge to you, gentle reader, that I will find out.
As soon as I can find the first one.
cheers,
elizabeth
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